Warning: The Words You Speak Either Heal or Harm People
Ugh! Does this sound a bit harsh? Harsh or not, it’s the truth. The words you speak either heal or harm people.
Death and life are in the power of the tongue,
and those who love it will eat its fruits. – Proverbs 18:21 ESV
You’ve witnessed this, no doubt. Maybe you’ve watched your daughter’s confidence increase when you complimented her efforts, or you might’ve noticed your spouse’s face light up when he received praise for a job well done. In contrast, a cutting remark can cause an expression of hurt to replace a joyful smile on a child’s face and deflate his hopes. Over time, harsh words can even cause an adult to feel depressed and defeated.
There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts,
but the tongue of the wise brings healing. -Proverbs 12:18
Do the words you speak either heal or harm people?
It’s important to take time to consider your thoughts before they form the words that exit your mouth. Here are some questions to consider before you speak.
- Is it true?
- Is it kind?
- Will it encourage the recipient?
If the answer to these questions is no, you need to consider whether or not it is your place to offer constructive criticism. People under your authority; such as, your children or a co-worker that report directly to you, are certainly people who would be required to consider your words. Whereas your spouse or even your boss is not under your leadership, there can be times that would require you to speak up about a concern. On the other hand, a person outside of your guidance, like someone else’s unruly child in a store, would not be required to consider your correction. The godly thing to do in this instance would be to keep quiet and consciously divert your thoughts to something else.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. – Philippians 4:8
Once you’ve established that you have the necessary information to convey, such as a correction, consider these questions.
- Will the recipient find this information useful or consider it?
- If it’s necessary to speak about a needed correction, how can I say it in a godly manner and also offer hope?
How to Offer Godly Correction
- Start with a genuine compliment. Here’s an example.
“You are such a hard worker. I appreciate the sacrifices you’ve made to ensure our family’s needs are met. “
2. State your issue as a solution, rather than an accusation.
“Before the end of the day, I would love to have some of your undivided attention to talk about things concerning the kids, work, etc. What do you think about designating 30 minutes before or after dinner?”
When you feel like saying, “You never listen to me,” blurting your feelings in an accusing statement will only complicate matters. Before beginning this type of conversation, make certain to pray about it ahead of time. When you pray, state your concern, ask God to help you figure out a creative solution to overcome your concern, and ask Him to soften your heart and the recipient’s heart.
3. End the conversation on a positive note.
In a perfect world, the response to your request would be, “Sure, that’s a great idea.” Naturally, you would lovingly reply, “Thank you for really listening to me, honey.” However, people are imperfect and good relationships require us to put forth much effort…. a.k.a., they require us to suck it up, buttercup!
If your spouse’s response is not what you had hoped for, here’s an example of a godly response.
“Well, all I’m asking of you, for now, is please think about it. I don’t need an immediate answer. Thank you for listening to me. I love you.” A hug and/or a kiss might also be very disarming at this point.
If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. -Romans 12:18 ESV
Remember to choose your words wisely, for the words you speak either heal or harm people.